In general, people find it difficult to forgive the mistakes, offenses, or sins others commit against them. With various arguments that appear rational, a person may feel they have strong reasons not to extend forgiveness to someone who has hurt them. These arguments often sound reasonable—even convincing—but in reality, they become obstacles to genuine forgiveness.
In marriage, for example, a wife may find it very difficult to forgive a husband who has been unfaithful and violated the norms of marriage. Even if forgiveness is verbally expressed, traces of the wound often remain etched in memory. Whenever a disagreement or minor conflict arises, memories of the infidelity resurface and are used like a weapon to wound again. If this continues, forgiveness has not truly been given. There is still a small ember hidden beneath the ashes, ready to flare up when emotions heat up.
The same applies when a wife is unfaithful to her husband. In such situations, the betrayed husband often feels that forgiveness is impossible. This is also true in other family relationships. Children who are rejected by their parents, or parents who are no longer acknowledged by their children, face deep wounds that are not readily accepted. Forgiving rejecting parents, or receiving back children who have caused harm through wrongdoing, can seem utterly impossible from a human perspective.
However, what is impossible for humans is possible for God. With the help of the Holy Spirit, the human heart can be softened to accept and forgive others’ wrongs. Forgiveness is indeed not easy, but when a person is willing to obey, God will grant the ability to forgive, to pardon, and even to release painful memories. In such obedience, a person is shown to be victorious in the matter of forgiveness.
The next question is: what if the person who has been forgiven commits the same offense again? The Bible does not encourage argumentation or retaliation, but calls us to forgive again and to entrust the matter to God’s sovereignty. When a matter is handed over to the Lord, God Himself will act. God is never indifferent to believers whose lives are oppressed, who are treated unjustly, or who are wounded in inhumane ways. Therefore, the resolution of such matters should not be pursued by human means, but by surrendering them to God, who can settle everything in His own way. Scripture solemnly warns that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living and powerful God.
Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness in Matthew 18:21–35 clearly illustrates this principle. In that passage, a servant is brought before a king because he owes ten thousand talents—an amount equivalent to hundreds of billions or even trillions in today’s currency. Unable to repay the debt, the king orders that the servant, along with his wife and children, be sold to repay what he owes. In desperation, the servant falls and begs for mercy so that he and his family will not be separated. Moved by compassion, the king cancels the entire debt.
However, after being released, the servant encounters a fellow servant who owes him a hundred denarii—a minimal amount compared to his own debt, since one talent equals six thousand denarii. Instead of showing mercy, he seizes and chokes his fellow servant, demanding repayment. Even when the fellow servant pleads for patience, he refuses and throws him into prison. This attitude reveals a shocking corruption of heart: he forgets the immense forgiveness he has received and refuses to extend even a minor forgiveness to another.
When the king hears about this, he becomes furious and orders that the servant be arrested and imprisoned until he can repay all his debt. This story emphasizes that forgiveness received but not passed on to others will ultimately result in judgment. Therefore, forgiveness is not a matter for argument, but an act of obedience that must be lived out. Those who have been forgiven are called to forgive—without conditions and without self-justification.