Over time, science continues to advance. One form of this progress is the growing understanding of the human soul within psychology. Psychology explains much about how a person’s inner dynamics strongly influence their entire life. There is a powerful reciprocal interaction between the physical body and the human psyche. From a theological perspective, this relationship can even be expanded to include the spirit or spiritual dimension. Thus, there is a strong interplay between body, soul, and spirit. Human beings are not fragmented within themselves, but are a unified whole.
The implication is that when one aspect of a person is unhealthy, it will affect the others. For example, if someone continually harbors bitterness, the likelihood of developing heart disease or cancer increases. Conversely, someone who does not maintain healthy eating habits may experience effects on mental health, such as irritability or difficulty concentrating. Negative emotions will shape a spirit or character that ends up hurting others. Here we see a strong interaction among all three. It is no wonder that Paul, in 1 Thessalonians 5:23, prays for the body, soul, and spirit of believers to be sanctified together in preparation for the coming of the Lord.
Regarding forgiveness, it must be understood that it begins with accepting reality. When we intend to forgive someone, it is not easy for our body, soul, and spirit to do so. Many Christians—even some ministers—give the impression that forgiveness is very easy. They use Ephesians 4:26 to suggest that if forgiveness is not released immediately, a believer is instantly sinning against God. Indeed, believers should not become comfortable harboring bitterness, as it is harmful. However, in releasing forgiveness, there is a process that must be gone through, much like repentance: accepting the reality of the wound.
Just as repentance begins with awareness and acceptance of what is wrong within us, so too does forgiveness. Forgiveness can start to unfold when we accept that others’ actions have hurt us. There is a tendency among Christians to act as if they are fine because they are afraid of being labeled as slow to forgive. Yet inwardly, they have not finished dealing with the pain. They are only denying the pain, not making peace with it. Making peace with pain that leads to forgiveness always starts with honesty—that we are hurt and that it truly hurts us. This honesty toward ourselves and toward God must be expressed through sincere dialogue in prayer. A person who does not admit that they are wounded, or who too quickly claims to have forgiven, will find it challenging to arrive at genuine forgiveness. Only those who acknowledge that they are sick can be healed. We must bring the reality of our wounds before God in honest prayer and lament.
Sincere acknowledgment of our wounds opens the door to God’s grace. By admitting this, God will help bind those wounds through various events He allows. God can arrange different circumstances so that we can begin the process of making peace with ourselves. At some point, the wounds we carry no longer gape open, and forgiveness begins to feel easier to express. It is at this point that true forgiveness can emerge. Not because we forget what others have done—perhaps we will remember it until we die—but because we have accepted and made peace with the wrong that was done to us. We realize that they, too, are fellow human beings striving to become better, just as we are. In that process, they may unintentionally hurt us. Or even if they did it intentionally, there is undoubtedly a chain of events in their lives that shaped them into people who hurt others. By accepting the reality of our wounds and then walking through the process with God, we are enabled to give birth to sincere forgiveness.